It's been a long time between writings. Too much going on in the lives of others for me to feel okay about writing but this evening as I'm taking a break in decorating the tree I feel like jotting down a few thoughts. Today is the 17th of December. It's the latest we've ever put a tree up. I always used to put my trees up on December 1st because I liked the house to be decorated for my students...this is going back a lot of years. When we moved to the big house we put up two big trees, one all home made decorations: cookies, popcorn strings, that kind of thing, and one with decorations purchased since our first Christmas together. Then when we sold the big house and moved into our little town house I gave away the two big artificial trees (they had to be artificial because they were up at least 6 weeks). The first Christmas in this home we bought the saddest little tree I had ever seen. It was so sad in fact that twice it through itself out of it's bucket in the middle of the night. That was the Christmas Michael had had to sell and move out of his house and he was staying here with us. Tonight as I look at the pretty (again artificial) tree I've put up I wish this had been the tree he had seen his last Christmas on earth instead of that pathetic little one we had. The last pictures I have of Michael and his little girl are taken in front of the poor relative of a Charlie Brown.
This is also the first year I have put out all the decorations. I have all Michael's decorations, the ones we bought him over the years, hanging up. I don't think I did that last year because although last year's tree was an improvement over the "little ugly", it was still very small and it was our first Christmas without our son and I just couldn't do it. this year I can and it's taking me hours to decorate because each ornament has such special memories. Christmas was Michael's favourite time of the year, even as an adult.
I won't write much more because as you can imagine, it's really a sad time of year for us as well...but today I felt that Mikey was watching me decorate our tree and was glad that I was hanging his decorations and hanging them on a pretty tree. He knows he is missed and loved and we will keep Christmas the way we would if he were here with us. And he is here with us..I feel so close to him lately as he spends his second Christmas in Heaven.
I love you Mikey. Such beautiful memories.
1 comment:
Small steps Mama. On days when you are just not sure if you are getting stronger, or making progress, remember the small things, like being able to hang his ornaments this year. He will be so proud of you. Love you all so much, and see you when you get back. xo
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