We are home again after spending Christmas away with our daughter and her family. We left a week before Christmas and started our week by attending The Canadian Tenors Christmas concert at the Royal Theater in Victoria. This had been a gift from my daughter on my 60th birthday. Michael first "introduced" me to the Canadian Tenors. I had heard of them but for some reason never listened to them. He sent me a link to YouTube where they were singing Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah". This was one of his favourite songs and it was sung at his funeral. As the concert began tears came but they were the tears that come with looking at a beautiful sunset, or a piece of art that touches your soul, or in the this case, voices that must make even angels weep just with the beauty of their sound. It was an amazing night for us, we were both so moved.
The first four nights of our week away was spent on our own. I had taken Michael's candle, the Mother and Son ornament I take with me everywhere and one of his t-shirts and my husband and I had time to talk to and about our son, time to walk by the water with him, time to cry together and we remembered Christmases with him. All the big churches have an open door policy in the city and walking downtown one morning we walked into St. Andrew's Presbyterian church. The sanctuary was empty and I was able to sit and pray for my son and feel close to God and just breathe.
Each day we spent time with our daughter and her family. Our granddaughter is such a joy and loves her NanaPapa (we are a unit of one). As the days grew closer to Christmas day I actually felt I was getting stronger. Christmas Eve was a very emotional day for all of us. But we hung beautiful glass angels a cousin had given us, for Michael, we hung his stocking, and we held each other. I took my granddaughter up to bed while the other three assembled a Christmas kitchen.
Christmas morning we were up early and I remember that I felt enveloped by a sense of calm. Michael's picture hangs on the wall above where we were sitting and I could feel his soul there with us. That's not meant to sound like a spiritualist, but I was so very conscious of being at peace that I felt he must be there somehow with me...perhaps he was just in my heart.
I am glad to be home and I am glad Christmas Eve and Christmas day and Boxing day are over. We made it through and past another of our firsts. We had so much love and support from friends and family. Christmas day we received texts, phone calls and emails telling us that Michael was in the thoughts and prayers of friends. How sweet to hear his name spoken by someone. What a gift to us.
I am going to light his candle and brew strong tea and sit by the fire with him for awhile, now.
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