Sitting at dinner tonight I was thinking of the "one day at a time" thing I've read and heard over the years. It's that way with us too I guess, but more like "one hour at a time" and "one minute at a time". We are working our way through the Christmas one second at a time, always on guard for emotional pitfalls in front of us. Christmas doesn't come down to the one day. We are in the midst of our first Christmas without Michael. I don't believe the 25th will be much more difficult than each day of this season is. Christmas is about more than the one day, it is about the meaning of the season and we are in that season now.
Walking home this evening my husband suddenly said, "I miss Michael's laugh. I will never forget the sound of that laugh." I'm so grateful we each have things we will always remember. Right now, I'm not sure I can hear that laugh in my heart...but I can hear his voice, talking to me, and I can see his smile. I work at blocking the other memories.
So, we continue to try to keep ourselves safe from letting ourselves go too far into sadness and loneliness. There are other people to consider right now. I don't know that I could walk this road alone. I am so thankful that I will never have to.
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