I spent the day going through tubs of photographs. I disposed of one full tub of them. So many memories of days which seem so long ago now. If I could do it again I would take a picture every day of my children's lives. We have lots of pictures but now it seems there just aren't enough. I want to be able to remember every day of our life with Michael. I also wish I had journaled. Even a sentence or two would give me something to read now. Of course it never occurred to us that we would outlive our child. Losing a child isn't the natural way of things. No parent should have to go through this incredible pain because it is a pain worse than any other. But I think I have said all this before.
Tonight we have come upstairs to bed to watch television because it is too difficult to be downstairs. Our son lived with us for a few months before he died and he had his own tv upstairs in his room. How I wish I could have those three months back and encourage him to come down and watch whatever he wanted with us. I remember one night he said "I can't believe the Olympics are on and you are watching Poirot." Wasted evenings...I would give anything to have him back, just to sit beside him on the chesterfield.
So, I guess all I am striving to say tonight is: any day can be the last you have with someone so live your life with them so you never have to regret the wasted or lost time because time is precious, and it is fleeting and it is out of our hands and in God's. Cherish every minute you have with your loved ones.
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