November is proving to be an emotional month so I spent a few days this week with my daughter and her family. I missed my daily writing but it's very easy for me to become compulsive about things and I don't want to write just to fill up space. This week has given me time to breathe, to concentrate on something other than my own grief, to become renourished with the unqualified adoration of my youngest grandchild. I realize that I am on an upswing and that always means a downhill run in a few days but I will take as much energy from a few days of calm as I can and when the difficult days come I will be just that little bit stronger. These are the baby steps which will help get us through the rest of our lives. For there will be no end to this. The reality of our lives is that we have lost a son, a brother, an uncle a friend. Nothing can change that for us now. I will still have days where my grief overwhelms me but I will also have tiny windows of time where I am okay. I will NEVER forget, even for a second, because I'm a different person than I was the morning of February 25th. But I will survive. This knowledge is more than a baby step. It is more of a stride; there were many days I thought I would not survive. I didn't want to survive. But I do and I will. And hopefully my strength will help me help those who are trying to be strong themselves. This isn't just my journey. We are walking a tough rocky road but we are doing it together.