5:36 pm. hmmm...my second time on today. This is how quickly things can slide. Tonight I need to take the first anti-anxiety med I've taken in weeks. Looking back at the day I'm trying to track what brought this on. What did I do today? Well, I went into work..just to see if I could. It was good see friends. Five hours ago returning on a gradual basis seemed do-able. Then I remembered a commitment for tonight - just choir practice. If I was a voice I wouldn't go, but I'm the accompaniment which means I must go. I think that's it. Evenings are the worst time of my days. Because - ? Is it because I'm tired by then? Is it because these are the bad hours, the hours in which Michael made his decision to take himself away, and then did so? Is it because my husband is home from work and I cherish this together time we have?
It's all of the above. I'm not ready to feel relied upon by anyone but my family. Friends understand that some days are good and some call for quiet time.
So, time to let the little pill dissolve under my tongue so I can accompany the choir tonight but I'm going to have to gather the gumption to try to explain that I am not ready for this.
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