This morning marks my first day back at work in more than a year and I am terrified. Last nights dreams were disturbing, full of arguments off the pre-Michael's passing kind, although not with him. But he was an active participant in my dream and I woke up exhausted, feeling that he is disappointed in my decision to return to a workplace which devalued him at a time he most needed support.
I am frightened too because walking through the front entrance at work is such a reminder of the terrible times we've been through in the last seven years: times where I have been so low and distressed that it has been unhealthy for me.
I can't contentrate this morning so will update later on. As I sit here worrying, I am also aware of friends who would give anything for this to be the only challenge of their day and for that I feel guilty . Know that my thoughts are with you all and I send my love out your way.
xx
1 comment:
You need to do something. And I think that if Michael were here, he'd say the same thing. He doesn't need your support now - he's moved beyond that. But you, you need support now. If he were here and able to give it, I'm sure he would. I think your dream was a manifestation of your guilt at moving forward, at getting back to your life. You've given grieving Michael full time for over a year - that's a lot. It's time to reclaim your life and do something with the rest of it. I think he would want you to. I know if you were my mom, I'd want you to live the rest of your life as fully as possible.
Thanks for stopping by - I had a health scare that turned out to be nothing - but those doctors had me going there!
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