Today I am tired. My brain hasn't slowed down in the last couple of days. We have a family expression - we say the squirrels are loose. My squirrels need to tuck themselves away for awhile and let me relax. The only way I can describe my thought process right now is to ask you to imagine yourself on one of those little-kid merry-go-rounds, unable to get off. Memories, memories. I'm adding to my list of things that I find hard to see - calamari..strange the things that hurt. Michael loved calamari....he had terrible eating habits...KFC, MacDonald's, onion rings, hot wings...yet he was loving learning to cook and when he cooked, he cooked healthy things.
It's the 21st of January today. We are closing in on January 24th which was the last happy day of Michael's life. On January 25th, I knew he had made his decision. I can tell you almost to the day what he did or said for the last 31 days of his life. I'm guessing this is why the days and nights are so tough right now.
To work hard at suppressing these feelings would make me feel that I was dishonouring my son and so I let them come. I could sure use some emotional sea-bands though.
1 comment:
Oh my goodness. I cannot imagine the heartache that comes with losing a child.
I am glad you decided to blog about though, not only for your own feelings and memories, but perhaps someone out there can be helped by your experience.
I am sending good thoughts your way,
Michelle
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